How to Deal With Jerks - And Not Become One Yourself

Let’s face it. We’ve all dealt with prospects, coworkers, and even customers we consider downright rude. There are very few things that are worse than sitting through a meeting and having to dodge insults and rude remarks that your meeting mates keep hurling at you for reasons you can’t fathom. Or hearing from your assistant that someone refused to talk with her because of some lame excuse that he/she only wanted to talk with someone who “knew what they were talking about.”

Here are some things to consider when faced with such circumstances:

Is this person worth your time and effort? When dealing with prospects, I find that how they treat you initially tends to be how they’ll continue to treat you. In most cases, rude prospects make headaches for clients. If I come across a jerk, I tend to end the meeting as quickly as possible, mention that I’m probably not a good fit for them, and apologize for not being able to help. Yes, you can and should turn away business - especially if doing business with this person will make you miserable down the road.

Don’t take it personally. In many cases, it’s not about you at all. This person could just be having a bad day, be extremely tired, or have something major going on at home. Keep your cool and don’t get defensive.

Listen closely to what they’re saying. Sometimes these situations arise out of frustration or lack of communication. See if you can discover where the communication breakdown is occurring and try to explain yourself more clearly.

Don’t argue with them. When someone’s in an agitated state, it’s virtually impossible to win any argument. If their argument has flaws, ask them why they believe such a thing and to justify their point of view with hard data.

Try disarming them. If the tension escalates, try to disarm them by asking if something’s wrong or stating that you aren’t trying to make them defensive. Comment about something unrelated to your discussion, add humor, or take a 5 minute break to grab some water.

Bob Sutton, Professor at Stanford University, has a new book coming out early next year called The No Asshole Rule that addresses how to deal with assholes. While I haven’t read it yet, Blogger Guy Kawasaki received an advanced copy and wrote a fantastic review of the book on his blog along with tips for avoiding becoming an asshole yourself and how to deal with assholes.